Just what I needed.

After a couple of dreary days in the Brown household, Heavenly Father gave me a swift kick in the butt by sending my mother to Utah! Just what I needed to brighten my day(s) and to remind me how blessed I am for the BEST family in the world. I didn't get to spend much time with her, but my mother is the most positive person I know. She doesn't have perfect children, but she has a perfect love for each of us and it was so refreshing to be taken care of by my mother. I guess you are just never too old for that. It was awesome to see her and made me look forward to being closer to her when we move!

A really good read.

Before I had ever experienced feritlity, I NEVER thought twice about speaking so freely about when a couple was beginning to start a family.

Now, after everything we are going through, I always think twice before even bringing up the subject of starting a family just because I now know how it feels to be questioned about such a sensitive subject.

This blog explains EXACTLY how I feel & many other women who are experiencing the multiple miscarriages. I cried reading the entire thing because it was like the lady who wrote it was reading my most inner thoughts & feelings.

Five years ago, I experienced the death of a fiance' and thought it was the hardest thing I would ever have to endure. I was wrong. After 18 months of no success of having children, I can attest that this trial is much much harder. ThoughI am grateful for it because I am learning to much about my faith and leaning on my Heavenly Father-- it is still a constant struggle.

If you can't read the whole post here is a small excert that I really thought hit the head on the nail:

"Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life.

The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal."

I highly suggest you all read this blog post about what it is like to struggle with infertility and to help those you may know that have this problem. I learned a lot from it and wanted to pass it on.

Can't deny it

Today has been a spiritually uplifting day that I hope to never forget. My stake here in Logan was invited to be in attendance for our stake conference with President Eyring and Elder Ballard speaking. This is something I have never gotten used to here in Utah, even though I have had plenty of opportunities to be in attendance of general authorities & apostles, but each time this happens I am always in awe of these great men. No, I do not worship them, I just highly admire and respect them for their service in my church.

This past month in the Ensign there was an article about blogging & sharing the gospel and I feel compelled to share with you some of the thoughts and feelings I have today after being in the same building with two of our Heavenly Father's apostles. There are two things that stood out to me today.

1. If you put the Lord first, all else will fall into place.

2. The Book of Mormon is true and I will never be able to deny that.

President Eyring spoke of some of the hardships he has gone through in his life, dating way back to when he was a poor college student. His humor and faith about this time in life was very endearing and uplifting to hear about. Especially seeing him now as a successful and very very faithful man. How easy it is to get wrapped up in our trials and forget to serve others. How easy it is to be selfish at this time in our life when we are so focused on getting our careers started and beginning our own families that we forget to serve others. This was a great reminder to me that if I put the Lord first, everything- even the large trials we may face-will never be in vain.

Elder Ballard spoke of a man who went on a mission who when he returned home he got a hold of some anti-Mormon literature and how quickly he lost his testimony. When speaking to Elder Ballard he had a list of questions he wanted answered about the church and Elder Ballard said he would comply but only if he first did one thing. Read the Book of Mormon for at least an hour for the next week until they met again. Well, when they met again, the young man told Elder Ballard right away that his questions didn't need answered that he knew the Book of Mormon was true and couldn't deny it.

I know with all my heart that the Book of Mormon is true. I have come to love and cherish this book as I have read it more and more. Geoff and I set some goals in our home a couple of months ago and we have improved in reading our scriptures together each night before we go to bed. I can testify that this has not only changed me, but it has changed our marriage for the better. If the Book of Mormon is true, and it is, then everything else about the gospel falls into place.

How grateful I am for this knowledge. I hope I never take it for granted and can remember these thoughts and feelings today as I was uplifted and taught by two of the Lord's anointed servants.

Can't help but feel good

... when you listen to this amazing man, sing this amazing song! It will give you big smiles. Trust me. Press play and turn up that volume!! (may want to pause my music on my blog though)

Great. Night.

I have had one of those nights where all I did was laugh & smile.

I took one of my favorite people out to get some ice-cream tonight & wow, was it ever a good time! I invited some people I work with to come along & we literally had a ball.

Blu has a heart of gold and loves anyone who he meets. He has a Christ-like attitude and is always worried about other's more than himself.

How grateful I am for him. He has changed my life & has helped me way more than I have ever helped him.

Tonight, I am just so grateful for the blessing I have to work with special people like him. I know I talk about my job a lot and how much I love it, but I feel like other than being a mother-- I was put on this earth to work with people with special needs. I know that by helping them I almost always end up learning from them. The past 4 years working at my job has been life changing and I am so grateful to my Father in Heaven for these amazing, special people.

Something I do NOT like

As we were driving home to Logan after spending a lovely weekend at my in-laws house down in Southern Utah, I noticed something tied to the roof of an SUV and kept staring at it as I was driving. It was dark so it was quite hard to see.

Suddenly, I saw two eyes staring at me.

It was a deer.

A dead deer.

Needless to say, I totally freaked out as I was passing this SUV.

I have decided, I really do not like deer. Especially that one in particular.

Thinking ahead...

So I know Christmas isn't for 2 months or so but with us moving at the beginning of December amongst the crazy finals we will be involved in... I have to really plan ahead for the holidays.

We booked our reservation for our moving truck and it is going to cost us about 2 grand to get to the state of Texas. Lovely eh? This will leave us quite short on cash for presents this year.

Anyways, I am trying to brainstorm for some great, inexpensive, even home-made gifts we can give to friends/family members and I am just coming up way short on ideas... Thank goodness I have so many crafty, amazing friends who read my blog...

So, what are your ideas? Any and all are welcome! (:

Warm Fuzzies

In honor of President Monson's talk about "Warm fuzzies" here is the top 1o things that give me warm fuzzies lately

1. The beautiful leaves changing color

2. Geoff's arms around me in the morning keeping me warm when it's cold outside

(insert your own mental picture of Geoff and I spooning, ha!)

3. Finding sugar-free hot chocolate that actually tastes good!

4. Pumpkin flavored anything.

5. Michael Buble's silky smooth voice on his amazing new cd (sorry had to put that in there)

6. Date nights to the temple

7. Dinner groups with good friends

8. This little number from Shabby apple that I got for suuuuper

cheap!!

9. The excitement of all the holidays coming up

10. The thought of moving back home permanently after 7 years of being away...

Now tell me...what is giving YOU warm fuzzies??

The verdict is in...

I am such a freak.

I got up an hour earlier than I usually do at 4:45 just so that I could make a trip to walmart to get the brand new Michael Buble' CD before I went running this morning.

Was it worth it?????

Um, HECK YEAH!!

Seriously, if you like him. You will LOVE this CD. Every song is simply amazing.

Today is a great day. He is also on Oprah. It's like I am 14 years old again and obsessed with Nsync.

Yes, I am a tad obsessed. I am the biggest fan of his ever, I am pretty sure.

Infinate power of Hope

So just today I had the opportunity to talk to a lovely young woman who is in the same predicament Geoff and I have been in for the past year and a half. Struggling to have children. Difference between her and I is she is an atheist. She told me this whole experience has turned her completely agnostic. I felt so sad for her that she really feels that way. We each have our own individual trials we are going through so I am sure we all get to a point where sometimes we want to just get up.

I feel blessed though because I am quite the opposite from this young lady. Yes, it is tough. Yes, there are days when I feel very discouraged about everything. But never have I ever doubted there is a Heavenly Father who loves me. I know he loves each of us and is SO mindful of whatever we are going through. I so enjoyed this past weekend. Listening to conference is always such a pick me up, but more so now than ever. I feel so blessed to know that God lives and that he is mindful of what we are going through. I feel so blessed to have wonderful friends and family who are praying for us.

I love the talk from a couple of General Conferences ago by Dieter F. Uchtdorf about the Infinate Power of Hope. I have this posted in my wallet and I look at it often when I feel down.

"We hope in Jesus the Christ, in the goodness of God, in the manifestations of the Holy Spirit, in the knowledge that prayers are heard and answered. Because God has been faithful and kept His promises in the past, we can hope with confidence that God will keep His promises to us in the present and in the future. In times of distress, we can hold tightly to the hope that things will “work together for [our] good” as we follow the counsel of God’s prophets. This type of hope in God, His goodness, and His power refreshes us with courage during difficult challenges and gives strength to those who feel threatened by enclosing walls of fear, doubt, and despair"

I never thought I would have to worry about the ability to have children, but I am grateful for this experience. It has taken me a very long time to find gratitude for this trial, but I am finally there. I have grown so close to Geoff through all of this. And most importantly, it has humbled me and made me closer to my Father in Heaven. I just want to thank each of you who read our blog that think of us and pray for us how much we love and appreciate it. Someday, this will all just be a memory and I can hopefully help someone who is struggling just as we are.

A week to remember

So most of you know I was counting the days til my sweet, beautiful and SUPER smart 3 year old niece was coming to visit us for a week. It was just what I needed. Abbi Lynn is very special to me and I had some very amazing talks with her about Jesus and it amazes me just how much she knows about Him. I will always remember when she wrapped her little arms around my neck and told me that Jesus loves me and her very much. We had such a great week and did so much with her including going to the 3-D movie "Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs" (way cute), picking pumpkins out of our pumpkin patch, making zucchini bread together, going to LOTS of parks, going to the Zoo, going to "This-is-the-place" park where we enjoyed a petting zoo, train rides and a pony ride. We had lots of fun with her and I will miss her morning snuggles and all the affection she showed towards us.

Favorite things to said to me:

-"Aunt Cami I love you so much because you buy me lots of cool stuff!"

-"This Zoo is crummy. My zoo in Texas is way better" (which is totally true-- Logan zoo is a joke)

-"Do you spoon Uncle Geoff?" (my all time favorite. I thinks he overheard us joking about spooning and it was all she could talk about)

-After a long run outside she said "Your face is shiny and gross and you stink. Go shower!" hahaha

-"Can we make some pan-a-cakes??" (She sticks an A between pan & cakes)

It was so neat to see how much she adored Geoff. Seriously. It is weird how much she loves him but I secretely loved it and this has only made me want mine own even more. All in due time I suppose. Anyway, here a few photos of our lovely week with the smartest 3 year old I have ever known (after teaching preschool for 3 years I can honestly say that).