it sucks and becomes harder each time. i have honestly never known such pain and disappointment. sometimes i just feel so hopeless and stuck. this trial is completely out of my control and that is the hardest part-- letting go of my pride and putting it ALL in the lord's hands. even with how awful and terrible all of this has been i can honestly say i have never felt such greater love either.
we are hoping that some new doctors here in houston will be able to shed some light on how to handle our situation and where to go from here. it is a super expensive process so we have to save up some more money before moving forward. the desire to be a mom is getting stronger each and every day. sometimes i wonder what i am supposed to learn from all of this... but then i look at my sweet kind and incredible husband and know that heavenly father loves us and will take care of us somehow someday in his own way and in his own time. i have many many fits and melt-downs. almost on a weekly basis. but i am surviving and trying to see all the good in my life. and honestly, i am so incredibly blessed.
here are 10 things i am grateful for this week:
1. a husband who knows just what to say to calm me and gives me the best hugs
2. a mom who always listens and cries with me
3. a dad who writes me amazing letters that reassures me
4. a little brother who is my best friend and prays for me
5. a little sister who makes me laugh
6. an older brother who lets me steal his beautiful daughters
7. the scriptures that calm my soul
8. prayer to lift me up when i am down
9. many, many friends who let me know they are thinking of me
10. a heavenly father who never leaves my side through it all.
5 comments:
Cami... I really do feel for you, though I don't know fully what you're going through. I had two miscarriages too, and the devestation is intense. This is something someone said that comforted me: 'Just because it didn't work this time, doesn't mean it will never work.'
Also, here are two stories from friends of mine which might give some hope. My friend Zac and his wife have tried for 3.5 years to get pregnant, and seen specialists and nothing seemed to be working. But I just got a note from them this week that she's now 11 weeks along so things look good.
My landlord didn't even ovulate and it took them 5 years and several miscarriages, but now they have 6 kids.
Remember women like Sarah, Rebekah, and Rachel -- God can do miracles, I know He can. We will keep you in our prayers. I know God loves you.
oh Cami. I am so so sorry. so sorry.
I love you and you are in my thoughts! Your 10 things you are grateful for are beautiful. Ever since I met you, you are someone that I have always looked up to. I want to be like you. Sending lots of love your way.
Hey girl, I love you so much and I'm sorry you have to go through this. I KNOW you are being blessed like crazy. You are such an example to so many girls who struggle with this and WALLOW all the time. Proverbs 3:5 girly. I swear it's the best scripture ever. I hope you and Geoff can get your getaway soon. I'm always praying for you. We need to hang out again!
Cami, you have such a great perspective--that probably doesn't make it easier to face, but that is the point of all these trials, right? Facing them with faith and moving forward. You are doing so well.
Cami,
I don't know you but I have to tell you that it really amazes me how strong you are! Your spirit and your faith flow through your writing and you've been a great strength to my own testimony. Although my trials have been different than yours, I know how it feels to long to be a mother. I am so sorry for your loss and I know this may be wierd considering we don't know eachother, but know we are praying for you and your dear husband.
You are amazing.
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