Today I had a break-through. I realized that I can-not control everything. Big surprise eh?
Some of you know that Geoff and I have been trying to get pregnant for almost a year now. Had two miscarriages along the way and many devastating visits of the "monthly" visitor. Today was one of those days where tears came from frustration and dissapointment from something I have never wanted more and yet seems SO out of reach.
Thank goodness this happened today:
Conference.
Just what the doctor ordered.
I think I needed a kick in the pants to humble me. Every month, after taking numerous pregnancy tests I have a pitty-party and always ask questions like "Why is it that I take extra good care of my body, exersize 6 days a week, eat extremely healthy and people who live really unhealthy lifestyles get pregnant without hardly trying? Why is it that I am financially responsible, educated and a hard worker and married to an amazing man and teenagers get pregnant from a one night stand?"
I didn't get answer to any of those questions today. But what I did learn today from two talks in particular (Elder Scott and Pres. Eyring) that
there is something I need to learn from this. Just as Elder Scott knew he needed to learn things from the death of his wife and 2 young children, so do I. I also learned that
I need to reach out to others rather than feeling sorry for myself. For some reason, Heavenly Father is wanting us to wait a little longer to be parents and I know there are other women out there who are going through the same predicament that I am or worse. I also learned that if I doubt, there is no room for faith.
I have to have faith that Heavenly Father has a plan for me and he will never forsake me.So that is what I am going to do. I am going to look for opportunities to serve, and be a light to others and learn something while I wait for the blessing of a child. There will be bumps along the road but thank goodness I have a wonderful prophet and other church leaders who are a constant reminder of how to handle life's greatest dissapointments and turn to the Savior.