7/07/2010

Some great advise/insight

I just wanted to give some insight on something that I personally never thought about until I myself had to struggle with infertility. There was a talk in the Ensign a few months ago about how to handle a loved one who is struggling with this trial and I loved everything about it. I know people don't mean to offend or hurt my feelings and maybe I am just extra sensitive when it comes to this stuff because everyone around me is either pregnant or having babies and we have been trying for almost 3 years now and it gets harder and harder every single month... Anyway, this article really said everything I feel. Love to you all (:

Here are just a few pointers the article suggested:

  • Remember that the circumstances in which infertility occurs vary greatly from couple to couple. Infertility may result from a health condition on the part of either or both spouses. Sometimes couples become infertile after they already have a child or children. Some have married later or waited to try to have children, and some have not. Regardless, all deserve compassion and freedom from stereotypes.

• For some sensitive situations, such as baby showers, it might be wise to ask first whether a person wants to be invited. You don’t have to handle infertile people with kid gloves; just ask how they feel and if they are up to certain events. But be sure to include them in Church and family activities.

• Try not to second-guess a couple’s medical treatments or other actions. They have most likely been careful and prayerful in making difficult decisions. Trust that they have learned what is best for their family. Remember that decisions about building a family are between a husband and wife and the Lord.

• Recognize positive contributions that are not related to childbearing or rearing. Everyone needs to feel valuable, and this is sometimes hard—particularly in Latter-day Saint culture—when one cannot become a parent.

• Realize that infertile people can be sensitive to the undertones of your comments, and try to be careful about what you say. For example, saying “You’ll get pregnant if you just relax” implies that you think infertility is the couple’s own fault, when in reality it is usually a medical condition not caused by stress. “You’ll get pregnant as soon as you adopt” implies that you see adoption as merely a path to having a biological child, when it is actually just as valid a path to parenthood as pregnancy. Even reassurances such as “It will happen in the Lord’s time” can be painful for people who are preparing themselves for the possibility that they will not have biological children during this lifetime.

• Express your support and love with simple, positive, nonintrusive comments such as “I love you” or “I have been praying for you.” Your genuine care and concern are needed by those experiencing the trial of infertility

11 comments:

Sarah said...

thank you. enough said.

Sarah said...

p.s. can you tell me which ensign and name of article?

Mindy said...

Amen. I hate it when people ask why I don't have any kids ... Don't they know I hate them? ;)

cami said...

Sarah, its
http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=0acba1615ac0c010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

And Mindy, you are silly. I love you.

cami said...

Sarah, its
http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=0acba1615ac0c010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

And Mindy, you are silly. I love you.

Jenny said...

Cami, Just wanted to let you know I love you and think about you all the time. That sounds like a good article. Thank you for sharing.

Mindy said...

Your mom loves me too.

Or let's just pretend she does.

Ry and Nat said...

Thanks for sharing!! : )

Jamie said...

Cami, I love this article! This is defiantly one of those articles everyone should read.

Sarah said...

thanks cami!

Christina, knick name Bina said...

LOVE YOU, and your beautiful husband I haven't met yet. Any child that belongs to you will be the happiest, lukiest, little thing in the world, Love and prayers from me.