Letter to Payton; Month One

I'm stealing this idea from a stranger's blog that I read. She writes a letter to her daughter every month and I think it is such a great idea. Hopefully I'll be somewhat successful and actually carry this idea out. And hopefully my other children won't hate me if I don't have time to do this for them. My plan is to make blog books since I am a horrible journal writer... we will see how this goes.

Dear Payton,

Welcome to the world my little man. This last month has been both the hardest and best month of my life. You are a remarkably easy baby, but this is still hard work. Possibly the hardest thing I've ever done, but also the most rewarding.

The day you arrived was a bit of a blur. I remember when they rolled you in to meet us and looking down at you, all wrinkly and small and scooping you up to hold you against my chest -- I was just in shock that you were finally here and that you were OURS. 

There was no doubt in my mind at that moment that Heavenly Father sent you to us. You looked so chubby and cute then. When you were about a week and half old, and had finally gained back the weight you lost your first week, I was holding you up in just a diaper and you were squirming around. You looked so much like you did in your first moment of life and all the tears I had shed when you were born came rushing out all over again. Even now as I write this and think about those first few moments we had as a new little family, I'm fighting back the lump in my throat.

I love the smell of your little head and seriously think they should bottle that smell. It would fly off the shelves. I can't get enough of it. 

Even when I'm exhausted and you just won't go to sleep, there's nothing quite like feeling your fuzzy little head on my cheek and taking as much of that amazing smell in as I can. 

There are several times through out each day when I am holding you and I just am overcome with love for you that I just need to squeeze you and kiss your little cheeks or your chubby little neck. I am constantly yelling to your Dad to look at you and how cute you are. He never disagrees.

One of my favorite things is the smiles you make when you're sleeping. Almost every time you fall asleep a huge smile creeps across your face in the moment when you finally close your eyes. It is like your body is just so happy to finally give in to the sleep. 

Over the last several days you've started smiling for real sometimes but just for me. It is the best thing in the world and melts my heart each precious time it happens. 
I fall in love with you a little more every time your eyes light up and that huge, adorable smile creeps out.

You are freakishly strong. Seriously. You've been able to hold your head up since we were in the hospital and have just been getting stronger and stronger as the weeks go by. Your arms are so strong that when I have to forcibly move them to get the out of the way for you to eat. You will try and shove your hands in your mouth with your bottle and it never works out. It really takes some effort to work against your strength.

 We call you our little monkey because you are constantly making little monkey sounds, even while you are sleeping.

Your dad and I love you so much and we are overcome with gratitude for your arrival in our family. I have said many times that you were worth the wait and I would do everything all over again to have you. You have made us so incredibly happy and I hope you will always know how much we wanted you. 

You win the hearts of everyone who meets you. I may be a little biased, but you really are a beautiful baby and even though you're still pretty much still just a lump of baby, you'll already a little charmer.

Payton, thanks for coming into our life and letting us be your parents. I couldn't imagine life without you.

Love,
Mom