Infinate power of Hope

So just today I had the opportunity to talk to a lovely young woman who is in the same predicament Geoff and I have been in for the past year and a half. Struggling to have children. Difference between her and I is she is an atheist. She told me this whole experience has turned her completely agnostic. I felt so sad for her that she really feels that way. We each have our own individual trials we are going through so I am sure we all get to a point where sometimes we want to just get up.

I feel blessed though because I am quite the opposite from this young lady. Yes, it is tough. Yes, there are days when I feel very discouraged about everything. But never have I ever doubted there is a Heavenly Father who loves me. I know he loves each of us and is SO mindful of whatever we are going through. I so enjoyed this past weekend. Listening to conference is always such a pick me up, but more so now than ever. I feel so blessed to know that God lives and that he is mindful of what we are going through. I feel so blessed to have wonderful friends and family who are praying for us.

I love the talk from a couple of General Conferences ago by Dieter F. Uchtdorf about the Infinate Power of Hope. I have this posted in my wallet and I look at it often when I feel down.

"We hope in Jesus the Christ, in the goodness of God, in the manifestations of the Holy Spirit, in the knowledge that prayers are heard and answered. Because God has been faithful and kept His promises in the past, we can hope with confidence that God will keep His promises to us in the present and in the future. In times of distress, we can hold tightly to the hope that things will “work together for [our] good” as we follow the counsel of God’s prophets. This type of hope in God, His goodness, and His power refreshes us with courage during difficult challenges and gives strength to those who feel threatened by enclosing walls of fear, doubt, and despair"

I never thought I would have to worry about the ability to have children, but I am grateful for this experience. It has taken me a very long time to find gratitude for this trial, but I am finally there. I have grown so close to Geoff through all of this. And most importantly, it has humbled me and made me closer to my Father in Heaven. I just want to thank each of you who read our blog that think of us and pray for us how much we love and appreciate it. Someday, this will all just be a memory and I can hopefully help someone who is struggling just as we are.

A week to remember

So most of you know I was counting the days til my sweet, beautiful and SUPER smart 3 year old niece was coming to visit us for a week. It was just what I needed. Abbi Lynn is very special to me and I had some very amazing talks with her about Jesus and it amazes me just how much she knows about Him. I will always remember when she wrapped her little arms around my neck and told me that Jesus loves me and her very much. We had such a great week and did so much with her including going to the 3-D movie "Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs" (way cute), picking pumpkins out of our pumpkin patch, making zucchini bread together, going to LOTS of parks, going to the Zoo, going to "This-is-the-place" park where we enjoyed a petting zoo, train rides and a pony ride. We had lots of fun with her and I will miss her morning snuggles and all the affection she showed towards us.

Favorite things to said to me:

-"Aunt Cami I love you so much because you buy me lots of cool stuff!"

-"This Zoo is crummy. My zoo in Texas is way better" (which is totally true-- Logan zoo is a joke)

-"Do you spoon Uncle Geoff?" (my all time favorite. I thinks he overheard us joking about spooning and it was all she could talk about)

-After a long run outside she said "Your face is shiny and gross and you stink. Go shower!" hahaha

-"Can we make some pan-a-cakes??" (She sticks an A between pan & cakes)

It was so neat to see how much she adored Geoff. Seriously. It is weird how much she loves him but I secretely loved it and this has only made me want mine own even more. All in due time I suppose. Anyway, here a few photos of our lovely week with the smartest 3 year old I have ever known (after teaching preschool for 3 years I can honestly say that).

Contrary to popular belief...

I DO love Utah. Of course I love Texas more but that is where I am from. Makes sense right? I will miss Utah in so many ways. Here is my top 10 things I adore about Utah:

1. The fall time here is AMAZING. 2. The Mountains. Houston does not have any and I will miss them dearly. 3. I have made some of my very best friends here. Including my hot husband. 4. Utah State University. An amazing education I have recieved at this school. 5. My job. It has been life changing and I will miss it terribly. 6. So many nice people here, Seriously. It is very comparable to southern hospitality. 7. So many outdoor things to do in the summer/winter. 8. A million temples to go to. 9. Utah State basketball. Man, i will miss those intense games in the Spectrum. 10. The smell of Logan. It is so clean here. I love that.

Wonder-woman

and yes, this lovely little wonder woman will be visiting me in less than 5 days. Can't hardly wait!

Most wonderful time of the year!

...and no it is NOT because the holidays are coming up (though, that is exciting to think about).

It is because I get to watch this every single week:

Yes, college football. Namely, Texas football.. I left my house a whopping one time to go running today. Other than that, I was on my couch watching football.

Happy football season!!

Hook em horns!!

Miss Optimism

“Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.” - Bill Cosby

So today I just had to laugh. As you can tell from my post from yesterday, life can totally stink sometimes. But man oh man, I am such a lucky woman. I get to work with the COOLEST people in the world everyday. My clients are quite simply amazing. I have a lot of responsiblities at my job and at times I get flustered and at times even frustrated (gasp!)... But then I sit down to spend time with the clients and I reminded time and time again that life is really simple. Live. Love. Laugh. There was a moment at the end of the day today where I was flooded with such gratitute to be surrounded each day with 27 adults with disabiltiies that has so many abilities that I will never ever have. Not only that, but I come home to such a hunk of a husband who does the dishes every single day! No lie! And... he is so much fun. So cute. So loveable. So smart... The list goes on.

Bonus-- My neice comes to stay with me in LESS than 2 weeks. And that girl ALWAYS puts a smile on my face and makes me laugh. Abbi Lynn, prepare to be super spoiled! (Pictured below with my little sister, Becky)

Infertile Mertile Part II

I have kinda had a downer week. Maybe it is a post-vacation slump. Back to reality. Whatever it is, I know Satan has really been working on my spirits. I wish I had some good news to post. I know people are waiting for me to suddenly make an "I'm pregnant!" post. But it still aint happening.

Every day the yearning to a mother gets worse. I try not to think about it and keep myself super busy with school and work... but everytime I see a baby I am reminded again and again how badly I want to meet my own child. It's the craziest, most empty feeling in the world. At times I feel like a ticking time bomb ready to explode but thankfully through priesthood blessings, I have been able to keep my emotions somewhat in check.

Next step is to go to a super expensive specialist at the Women's center and dip into our savings. So what if we have to wait a little longer to buy a house... if it means bringing a child into our life, right?

We have an appt. on October 1st with the best specialist in northern Utah (so I have heard anyway). Hopefully he can help us figure out what to do. Hopefully he can at least point us in the right direction. Otherwise, I just may punch a hole in the wall. (Ok, not really...)

I read a quote by Mother Teresa the other day that for some reason I really related to. She said "I know God doesn't give me problems I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much sometimes". I think we have all felt that way from time to time.

We are going to the temple Saturday and I can hardly wait. I feel so much peace while I am there... that is one place where I feel real hope. Thank goodness I have the gospel.. and a wonderful husband. I constantly am amazed at how patient, sweet and kind he is to me because it has been a roller-coaster of emotions this past year and a half of trying to concieve.

I know someday I will look back on this whole experience and be grateful for it. I know Heavenly Father is teaching me a great lesson through all of this and I will be blessed for waiting. I am just anxious for that time to come.

San Francisco Trip 2009

We had such a great time in San Fran! I am so glad we invited Zak & Kellee Mudrow to come along with us. They are seriously some of the best friends a couple could ever ask for.. we all just get along so great. We were always laughing at something... whether it be Geoff always managing to get us lost, or Zak & Geoff being totally random & goofy. We spent too much money and probably ate way too much food, but man oh man, it was FUN!!!! Here are just a few of the 144 pictures I took on the trip.


Day One: Alcatraz tour & Pier 39

Day 2: Chinatown & shopping downtown (GREAT shopping there! Wish we had an H&M in Utah...)
Day 3: Santa Cruz Boadwalk & beach & MORE shopping!

Day Four: Fisherman's warf, submarine tour, Golden Gate bridge, Redwood forest

Unanswered answers

Well, doctor called today. All my tests came back normal. No PCOS. No hormonal imbalance. I am not going to lie... this pretty much devestated me. I wanted so badly to find some answers to what is going on. I am pretty frustrated. So, the next step is to go to some really expensive doctors that we will not be able to afford for quite awhile. My first thought was to just give up... But I won’t. Obviously, Heavenly Father is trying to teach me something here. I know this emotional, crazy roller coaster we are going through will someday be all worth it when I look into my child's eyes for the first time.

Thanks for all your love and support. We are so blessed with amazing friends and family. I feel good about how open we have been about this whole process because I have found out we are not the only ones who have this trial and have been able to comfort them as they have comforted me.

Thank goodness tomorrow we are going on our vacation! I need some time to just relax and forget all my worries.

We love all of you and thank you again for your support. It has been a blessing to know we have so many who are concerned for our happiness.

The second love of my life...

...Ok not really! BUT... I do love love love love LOVE Michael Buble'!

His voice is like butter!

I am so excited for his new cd to come out. I will be there on opening day waiting til it hits the stands.

Here is a sneak peek at his new single "Haven't met you yet"